Med Gold writes about male-female dynamics and the American condition.
#108: Med Gold
New York, NY
What does health, or being healthy, mean to you?
That’s a great question. On the surface, being healthy means “doing that which slows decay and death.” Exercise and proper diet. I imagine someone running on a treadmill while eating a carrot. But merely extending the length of time that you aren’t dead isn’t necessarily good. If you aren’t pursuing the enjoyment of life, there’s no point. Living well matters far more. That’s the difference between merely existing and being alive.
Being healthy means embodying health. This mode of being requires more than just frequently raising your heart rate and not giving yourself diabetes. Health is downstream of your relationship to yourself and how you manage reality.
The concept of “mental health” has been diluted by people who just want 3-day weekends, but it’s a serious matter and goes much deeper than your mental state. What does a “healthy mind” even mean? No negative thoughts? Images of sunrises and cute kittens? A blank slate?
No. Humans are animals with physical needs. We are programmed to avoid death. Men are programmed to fight enemies and impregnate women. Women are programmed to nurture children and attract men. We’re competitive beings who just happen to be aware that we exist. An honest mind isn’t supposed to be clean.
Mental health is having the fortitude to manage the volatility of life. Your mind should be adaptable and manageable. Anxiety is meant to be conquered. Without this ability, your mind will collapse under it’s own weight, then you will be stressed. When I think of the opposite of health — I think of stress.
The most unhealthy people I know are extremely stressed. Almost always, their lives aren’t in order. They’re either in dysfunctional relationships, in mountains of debt, or are living inauthentic or secret lives. I’ve done all of those things while being in the best physical shape of my life. I wasn’t healthy.
How would you describe your current lifestyle?
I’m currently undergoing a much-needed detox from several bad elements.
For over a year, I was addicted to meth. Just kidding. I was taking meth’s more professional cousin — adderall. I don’t have ADHD, I just like how it feels. While it helped me focus a bit more, eventually the comedowns were making me too agitated, so I stopped completely. After a few weeks, I felt my brain chemistry begin to reset. I felt more like myself again. In hindsight, I was essentially “under the influence” last year. It blows my mind that such stimulants are frequently prescribed to children.
I’m also detoxing from living too intensely. At one point, a friend told me I experience more in the average weekend than most men will in 10 lifetimes. Too much sex, too many drugs, too much traveling. Some eras of my life feel hazy because my brain couldn’t contain all of the memories. I was having fun but I wasn’t living authentically. I was running away from feelings I didn’t wanted to feel by biting off more than I could chew. Eventually, I hit a breaking point, and decided I wasn’t going to live that way anymore. A proper detox from living too intensely can take years.
My life is now in a much calmer place.
How do you start and end your days?
I admit that I wake up and check my notifications. It isn’t good, but that’s what I do. I’m a morning person. I wake up with a lot of energy but also have very relaxed mornings. I wake up between 5-6 AM, then lay in bed and scroll for 10-15 minutes. Then I take a walk, go to the gym, shower, then do my face routine — toner, hyaluronic acid, vitamin C serum, then moisturizer.
I get dressed then make espresso with a Bialetti moka pot. I’m a bit of a coffee snob. When I don’t feel like making real espresso with an espresso machine, I use my Bialetti because it’s quick and tastes delicious. If you don’t have one in your kitchen, you should. The pot itself is beautiful. Impeccable Italian engineering.
If I have a lot on my mind, I journal. I write everything that’s going on up there in a stream-of-consciousness format. This process is therapeutic for me. Seeing my thoughts laid out in front of me makes me realize how ridiculous they are or how obvious my problems are to solve. When I journal on a regular basis, my mind is calm.
Every morning I drink a glass of milk mixed with maple syrup. After that, I drink a liter of water with my morning supplements: vitamin C, B-Complex #12, and thiamine. Then I plan the rest of my day.
I finish my day by showering and doing my nightly face routine. I use tretinoin every other night. In between, I use either a liquid exfoliant or a face mask. I recently bought a red light machine, so I’ve been incorporating that into my nightly routine lately.
Before bed I drink another glass of milk mixed with raw honey, magnesium bisglycinate, and glycine. When I’m in bed, I either read, write, or listen to astrophysics lectures to make myself tired. I’m currently reading Walter Isaacson’s biography of Leonardo da Vinci.
Can you recall a moment when you became more aware of your health, or your relationship to it changed?
My mom is very health conscious. She taught me a lot of principles about eating right and working out at a young age. She only shopped at health food stores and never bought junk food. A bag of Cool Ranch Doritos was considered a rare treat, which it should be. I’m lucky that she put a lot of thought into the quality of food she brought into the house. I do the same thing as an adult. Thanks to her I’ve always been aware of my health.
My grandfather was my hero. He had a booming presence. When he walked into a room, everyone felt it. He knew how to make everyone laugh and make people feel comfortable. He was a force of nature. His last few years were rough. He was obese and didn’t take care of himself. Seeing him in his final state wasn’t easy. It scared me into making sure my future grandchildren would never see me that way. The idea of not being able to take care of myself is petrifying. One of my biggest fears is being a burden on anyone.
What’s your relationship to self-healing?
When I’m taking on too much at once, my body punishes me with a debilitating and brain-splitting migraine. To anyone who isn’t visited by migraines: it feels like a knife is lodged into your skull. This is how I know it’s time to take it easy and give myself permission to do nothing for a day or two.
I don’t go to doctors. COVID destroyed my faith in them. I get blood labs a few times a year and do my own research. I use an Oura ring and a Withings Body Scan scale. Every week I check in on my KPI’s to make sure everything is trending in the right direction.
Do you work with any practitioners, texts, or modalities on a regular basis?
I have a few trusted friends I call when I feel stuck or need to bounce an idea off of them.
I’m Catholic. I don’t go to mass as often as I should. Sometimes I open the Bible to a random page and start reading from there. I frequently revisit the Gospel of John, which pulled me out of my cringe atheist phase. I don’t write about religion very often. I find most online Christians to be tedious and performative. One’s faith is extremely personal.
My childhood was so chaotic that my parents sent me to 5-10 therapists as a precautionary measure. I didn’t like any of them until I met one who got through to me. A serious psychoanalyst, not a cognitive behavioral therapist or a psychiatrist. Without him, I would probably be dead.
How do you reset?
I take vibe showers. That’s a mid-day shower for when I need a vibe shift. Sometimes the day builds up a funk that can only be shaken off with a vibe shower. This clears my mind. It feels like I’m restarting the day.
I typically go on vacation several times a year to warm places where I can roast in the sun, explore, and eat well. I get a massage every few months.
If you really want to treat yourself — I recommend booking an appointment at Aire, a luxurious Roman-style bathhouse. If you’re in a relationship, go together. It’s extremely romantic.
When do you feel the most nourished?
I like cooking for people. I feel good when people enjoy something I made.
Sometimes I crave food from my childhood. I’ve mastered making Chicken Milanese for this reason.
Walking refreshes my mind. Lifting weights keeps me down to Earth.
Do you have a favorite meal?
I don’t have a sweet tooth, I have a salt, fat, and carb tooth. Sometimes I just need a sandwich from an Italian deli on focaccia bread with prosciutto, mozzarella, olive oil and balsamic. I like to walk around Eataly aimlessly and grab whatever looks good. I walk in there thinking I need a quarter pound of guanciale and end up leaving with three bags $200 later. It is what it is.
What advice would you give your younger self?
At certain moments, when I felt like the world was going to end, I would tell myself to get a grip.
I would tell myself I’m not going to remember what I was worried about because it didn’t matter.
I wouldn’t tell myself more than that. I learned a lot of hard lessons through experience. Having my ego shattered into pieces made me the man I am now.
What advice would you give to the person reading this?
Be more okay with people disliking you. Aim to be comfortable in your own skin. Care less about politics. Relax.
What would you like to see or create more of in the world?
I feel blessed that I grew up in a relatively normal time in America. I wasn’t indoctrinated with lies about the opposite sex. The internet wasn’t a thing. It was encouraged to be “good” with the opposite sex. I feel obligated to share what I’ve learned with people who feel confused or lost. Now and then I receive messages from both men and women telling me my writing has improved their life and relationships. This makes me happy. This is why I write.
Vibe showers are everything!