#12: Jane Balfus
"Stay grounded and cautious, trust your instincts when it comes to people. Crying is nurturing."
#12: Jane Balfus
Welcome to Health Gossip. Today’s guest is Jane Balfus, an artist whose recent work grapples with themes of girlhood and invisible illness. In “American Girl Diagnostics” (2023), a re-appropriated LabCorp form reads: “In the most glamorous way possible, our bodies will attack themselves, in a slow attempt to murder but sooo gracefully… In many cases experts have theorized that people with this condition ‘exist for nothing.’”
Location: New York
Astrology: Virgo/Taurus/Capricorn
What does health, or being healthy, mean to you?
Re-gaining some autonomy and time. That extends itself in my interpersonal relationships, feeling peace, cooking for myself as much as possible. I think having a stable work life balance is crucial, and something I haven’t quite figured out yet. Working for bastards is life-shortening. Nurturing my close relationships, maintaining a balanced diet, creative stimulus, and dedicating time to the holistic development of ideas/projects are integral to my well-being. Allowing indulgences, albeit less justifiable: moments of idleness, violently sweet desserts, long evenings, or listening to the same album for three hours.
How would you describe your current lifestyle?
My lifestyle is usually (unfortunately) centered around my day job. This is a habit I’d like to break. Everything I’m doing is sort of an operation of reprieve. I try to see or talk to my friends as much as possible. I’m in a lot of group chats with my girlfriends, I love to talk to people on the phone. I am a chronically ill person, so I try to remain as intentional with my time as I possibly can. There are long stretches of the year where if I’m not careful I’m sick and immobile.
How do you start and end your days?
I wake up around 7, and then either make a latte with whole milk, maybe some maple syrup depending on the day, and walk my dog, Sayre. My boyfriend and I switch off each day; if I’m walking Sayre, I try to say good morning to as many passersby as I possibly can. I am fueled and utterly fulfilled [by] positive interactions with strangers. Then I’ll take a shower, throw on clothes, make a bowl of granola, yogurt, honey, bee pollen. My friend Christelle recently turned me onto Andrew’s Honey. If I have more time, I’ll either make a smoothie with whatever colored powder I have on hand, or a breakfast taco. I’m just entering the world of fragrance, and am alternating between Escentric Molecules M01, I don’t know what, D.S & Durga, and the solid Orphéon balm. Then, because I am ritualistic and obsessed with cleanliness (closest to godliness, IMO), I make the bed (corners tucked in), make sure there are no clothes on the floor, do a quick vacuum pass on my apartment, spray down surfaces. Before I leave I make sure to tie my Lariat beads either around my bag, on my neck, or my waist. They’re my armor. There is either my interlude of work, or if it’s the weekend, seeing my close friends. I try to get outside at least twice a day.
I end my day with unpacking my bag, getting into more comfortable clothing — usually pure cotton pajama pants and a giant, soft, fraying t-shirt or slip — making dinner, and watching a mind-numbing TV show in the background. I love 2000s young adult dramas, and more recently Grey’s Anatomy. I’m trying to watch more movies now, too. After dinner, I’ll take a bath (either with mustard and herb powder, magnesium salts, or a cheap bubble gel). I wash my face, turn all the lights off in the house besides my little LED tap lights and scented candle of the season, and curl into bed with my puppy and Kindle.
When do you feel the most at home in your body?
Definitely after a day where I’ve crossed things off my to-do list, have seen one of my best friends, walked around my neighborhood, stayed in the shade. Coming home to my dog, and her constant loving greetings, beams me up to the sky. I love her so much. Companionship of a pet, if feasible, enriches your life immeasurably.
Do you have any recurring dreams?
Recently, no, which is relieving, I used to place too much importance on dreams. I’m not the best sleeper.
Do you believe in the concept of self-healing, or that one can heal oneself?
Absolutely, I believe in preventative self-care. Remaining steady in proactive routines. Gathering data about your own being and boiling it down...digesting it. Allowing that data to develop into robust and restorative patterns. Curative signatures.
Was there a specific moment in life that made you more conscious of your health?
My mother had breast cancer last year, which she beat. But being with her and watching her body atrophy and go through all of her treatments was excruciating. The surgery, radiation, chemo — seeing her body so weak and damaged, was so frightening. She was so elegant and composed throughout the entirety of such a nightmare. I also noticed who in our lives was incapable of dealing with the trauma of her illness, who refused to be around, and also who showed up. Health is communal.
Three years ago I was also diagnosed with systemic lupus after years of mysterious bodily reactions, and half a year trying to be diagnosed. It was incredibly liberating to have a name for it, but I’ve had to modify so much of my lifestyle. My body reacts extremely to stress. It’s forced me to be incredibly conscious about who I spend my time with. If I exert my body too much, I have extreme fatigue, severe soreness, and immobility. My medication also makes me photo-sensitive. I am not allowed to be in direct sunlight with my treatment plan, or I will fall incredibly ill, rashy, and scaled. This was a major blow for me, as an LA native who wants nothing more than to burn myself to a crisp. It’s also taught me a lot about people and their perceptions of invisible illness. I am a visually appearing healthy person, and yet my immune system is self-destructive, and if I don’t follow my rigid treatment plan and protocol, I need more critical ancillary treatments. Transfusions, dialysis, I’m at risk for organ failure. This has all become fodder for my art practice and writing. I think there are a lot of parallels between girlhood and non-visible illness.
Where do you look to for information and guidance?
I believe in a combination of self-reliance, and maintaining deep relationships. Surrounding yourself in an orbit of people who are kind, devoted, intelligent and creative, is sage. I cannot believe the friends I’ve accumulated throughout the years. I am wildly lucky. I’m also an avid believer of talk therapy, trauma therapy...and also the power of the ocean… Swimming in velvety water is the absolute most purifying euphoric thing of all time.
Fuck, marry, kill: three health trends of your choice.
Fuck: vitamin D supplements, marry: probiotics, kill: dieting.
What are your grocery staples? What meals do you find yourself returning to?
I cook a lot of soups and stews, sheet pan recipes, and beans. My palette is sort of Mediterranean inspired, I use a lot of citrus, garlic, herbs, briny things, tart yogurts and cheeses. All the alliums, all the time.
What do you think is the most pressing health issue of our time?
I harbor a lot of apprehension for the future of our planet, particularly regarding the widespread inaccessibility of healthcare on a macroscopic level. On an interpersonal level, I believe deficits in reciprocity within friendships can have profoundly deleterious effects, fostering feelings of isolation and perpetuating learned narcissistic behaviors.
What advice would you give to your past self?
Stay grounded and cautious, trust your instincts when it comes to people. Crying is nurturing.
