#13: Fay Chetwin
"If she has the courage to see the world, she will see underneath."
Fay (@xleepyfay) is an applied media theorist and critic — and occasional vocalist — living in central Europe. The last time we saw each other was at an American-style diner in Berlin. She ordered a vanilla milkshake and I got lost.
At a glance…
Location: Zürich
Big 3: Scorpio/Leo/Leo
What does health, or being healthy, mean to you?
When I can be functional in the ways I want, when I am in control of my attention, and receptive [to] my surroundings in an affectionate way. I feel the healthiest when my body feels light and agile. I also feel the healthiest when I feel the prettiest, or vice versa, or both.
How would you describe your current lifestyle?
Sort of restrictive, as I’m lining up long-term goals. I'm saving up money for going back to University, which makes my life rather disciplined and dull. I wish I was better at finding balance; I'm a bit obsessed with work and planning stuff at the moment. I want to work towards living more passionately and more spontaneously, being slightly less vigilant about my [use of] time.
How do you start and end your days?
I get up at 7am and start with some stretching exercises, making sure I'm waking up my body and mind. I usually brew fresh nettle tea in the morning for a lymphatic cleanse. I take out my dog for a morning walk and then start my work day, which is mostly at home. I fast everyday until 1pm; I find it to physically and spiritually give me the clarity I need.
My days often end rather late. I've recently been following the bad habit of working late. My bedtime routine includes an extensive skincare routine and breathwork if I'm feeling anxious. For good sleep, instead of melatonin supplements, I recommend using either pillow mists (I really like Cocon de Sérénité from L’Occitane) or, alternatively, stuffed pillows. I remember my grandma used to sew fragrant pillows for me using fern and lavender.
When do you feel the most at home in your body?
When I sense that my self perception and other's perception of me perfectly align. It sort of brings evidence and integrity to my Self.
Do you believe in the concept of self-healing, or that one can heal oneself?
I do believe in self-healing, I think to fundamentally reject that belief is the most regressive thing a society can do. I'm not in the position to claim that any condition can or should be self-healed, I am actually quite techno- and pharma-positive and believe in artificially enhancing or healing yourself in whatever way you wish. But I think self-healing can take up an important role where anti-agency psychology and public healthcare fail. I've self-healed from multiple conditions when public healthcare failed or was simply out of reach. I think to self-heal is probably the most profound, sustainable and rewarding way of overcoming things.
Was there a specific moment in life that made you more conscious of your health?
I spent my teen years in really poor health and just in general ignorance towards my body and psyche. Weirdly, I've never directly learned from any psychological or bodily trauma I, or people close to me, [have gone] through. I remember a friend of mine having a stroke in her early twenties that her doctors clearly drew back to her excessive use of drugs, etc, but events like that never had an effect on me. It's crazy how one can loose fundamental instincts when hurt.
The year I turned 25 was a complete game changer and fundamentally changed my perspective on life. Aging and growing out of your teenage self is a natural process towards health. Another thing that massively changed my approach, which was in that same year, was adopting my dog. To carry the full responsibility for her life, her costs and her problems, forced me to fix myself spiritually. It was only [through] adopting her that I made my genuine sanity a priority.
Where do you look to for information and guidance?
I find information and guidance in earthly resonance. If you have a fair and unfiltered vision, the resonance that follows your actions will be a reliable guidance. I also read Tarot with my friends and enjoy going through Grace McGrade's monthly horoscopes to tune myself in with the stars.
Fuck, marry, kill: three health trends of your choice.
Fuck: aroma therapy, marry: somatic exercise, kill: red light therapy.
What are your grocery staples? What meals do you find yourself returning to?
I'm a sand girl. I used to only eat beige food for the longest time after recovering from my first ED, and would probably still be tempted to go back to beige if I was left to eat alone for a while. I definitely eat more colourfully and balanced now. I live with my boyfriend who is Asian and passionately cares about a balanced and mindful diet. His culturally different understanding of nurturing your body was, and still is, a blessing for me in overcoming my teenager-esque eating habits. My personal grocery staples include a lot of grains and proteins, fresh fruits and vegetables, a lot of alkaline teas, as well as some essential vitamins and supplements.
What do you think is the most pressing health issue of our time?
I think people should stop making their lives revolve around their pathologies. That's one of the most cowardly and regressive pipelines [that] Western identity politics and health discourse have gone through. People trauma-dumping their pathologies all day long are convinced that they act progressively and in self-beneficial ways, and that the world revolves—or should revolve—around them. I wish people were more generative and willing to integrate in spite of their pathologies or marginalised identities, not because of them.
What advice would you give to your younger self?
To find integrity in spiritual principals rather than in diplomacy or politics. To study limerence versus love. To see her own captivity as a mentality. I would teach her about the most beautiful things in life taking the longest, about the patience it takes to watch the grass grow. I would tell her to acknowledge the hallucinatory nature of our world and use it for her own advantage. If she has the courage to see the world, she will see underneath.
What advice would you give to the person reading this?
Have a conscious thought about your role models, who you aspire to be like and why. I believe gaining integrity takes a paragon of virtue.
