We Don't Speak January

New Year's resolutions and Equinox's viral campaign

January is a language we don’t understand. It talks about change. It thinks time is on its side. It needs a new outfit before it can begin. (Equinox, January 2023)

On the first of the year, Equinox, the land of $300/month memberships and eucalyptus-scented handjobs, launched a controversial campaign. Scattered around the city and online, the message was simple: “We don’t speak January.” For the entire day, the luxury gym refused to accept new members, reinforcing its belief in commitment rather than resolutions.

To some, the statement was a slight on fairweather gymgoers; to others, an attack on the New Year’s resolution itself. In reality, it falls right in step with the luxury gym’s motto—It’s not fitness, it’s life.

Tonight, two floors underground at Crunch Fitness Tribeca, my yoga teacher seems to have taken the bait. As the Top 40 music from her previous class fades, she directs us to our mats, where we’re meant to sit down and control our breath. The lights dim and the music changes, this time to Imogen Heap.