5 people on getting (and staying) sober

"I have to take risks all the time. I have to go insane."

Welcome to Group Chat, a space for loose, layered conversations around health & wellness. (If you’re new, read the first issue here.)

Today: five people on how they got sober — and what’s kept them there. This is a long one, and there’s so much more to say... Subscribe to receive future editions straight to your inbox:

Tess Pollok, Writer + Founder of Animal Blood Magazine

Location: Los Angeles
Sober: 11 months
@tessanditsdiscontents

What does sobriety look like for you?

Like many, I was resistant to admitting I was an alcoholic/addict for a long time. I avoided AA for a number of reasons — I’ve always had too high an opinion of my own intellect, so I used to think I could intellectualize my way out of any problem, and I suffered from a rugged sense of American individualism that made me unwilling to accept help. But I’ve come full circle on that. AA is incredible and I’m in awe that something as transformative and infinitely meaningful as AA is a free public service. It forced me to confront myself head on. I was surprised in the early months of my sobriety by how sophisticated AA’s philosophy was and how well it worked to provide people who were suffering with a toolkit for personal responsibility, self-discipline, and self-reliance. I sometimes feel like I’m in physical pain when I’m sitting in an AA meeting, which I think is a really good thing.

I think of sobriety as a lifelong thing. Not to say there aren’t relapses, but to me it’s a mindset you try to cultivate as you go. I don’t think people who relapse are any less committed to sobriety. At least in my experience, the “day-to-day” phase of sober thinking only lasted for the first few months while I was struggling not to use or drink when drugs and alcohol were around.

What led you there?

Frustration and resentment.

How have your relationships changed since?

I feel a lot less close with my friends, but I can’t tell if that’s actually a sobriety thing or if it’s just a part of getting older. I used to be in constant contact with my friends and I still have days where I’ll get these hypomanic bursts of social energy and text tons of people asking them what they’re up to. Speaking to the resentment, I’ll get down on myself that it’s taking me extra time to do things that I feel like other people around me are able to just naturally do. The difference now that I’m sober is that I have to sit with those feelings and figure out a way to work through them rather than just shove them aside, which is something I’m still learning.