#58: Ruba Al-Sweel

"I start my days very early and sleep late. I’m rarely asleep, actually."

Jun 16, 2025

#58: Ruba Al-Sweel

Ruba (@rrrrrruuuuuubbbbbbzzzzzz) is a writer and artist with a practice focused on online movements and networked communications. You may know her from POSTPOSTPOST.

Health Gossip with Ruba Al-Sweel
Responses recorded May 14, 2025
Sagittarius/Sagittarius/Aquarius

What does health, or being healthy, mean to you?

I think it’s a sign of great health to have an overflowing inbox with majority unread emails. It’s proof of life, that a pulse is still there, that you’ve subscribed to newsletters and have a buy-in on people’s obsessions and inner lives. Health is being forgiving because everyone is just 5 years old. It’s waiting and waiting and waiting even if it never happens but huffing enough hopium to know something is on its way, tucked behind a new sunrise or something. I think longing is one of the healthiest feelings ever; it expresses a desire that is so vitally a sign of life.

What was your upbringing like? What are some of your earliest associations and memories of health?

I don’t think I had awareness of the indignities of meatspace until I learned that we wouldn’t live forever. I remember wanting to have 2 breakfasts once and was told that I shouldn’t because it’s not good for me. From then on, it was a conveyor belt blur of all sorts of digital networked health lore — heroin chic thinspo, Kali Acc, Cybervedic Daoisim, Ray Peat diet, etc, etc. I was always floating. Recently, I stumbled on a kindergarten-era summer camp report that must’ve been written by a school counselor. She said I’m generally quiet and keep to myself. I don’t accept help and would rather pretend to know how to swim. I think I’ve learned to let people in since then and I can’t imagine life without everyone teaching me how to swim, so to speak. It’s good to know how to LARP when you can barely keep your head above water, though — that always comes in handy.

How would you describe your current lifestyle?

I sleep poorly and I’m generally always wired. I wake up at least 2 times during the night, and one of which is powered by an hour-ish doomscroll until the faint early morning. I like responding to a few texts/emails before I fall back asleep so everyone thinks I’m on some early-bird “5 Habits of Highly Effective CEOs” type sh*t. 3-5 am is the devil’s hour. I’ve seen texts sent and deleted come 9am. I believe in fasts too. Great, long 16-20 hour fasts to reset the system. I believe in God and I think he must believe in me too.

How do you start and end your days?

Today was a fast day. For 16 hours, I don’t consume anything but water, black coffee and an assortment of herbal teas. I do this at least once a week. Today, I had black coffee, cinnamon tea and gum. I broke my fast at around 6pm with a big bowl of grilled chicken and rice.

I start my days very early and sleep late. I’m rarely asleep, actually. If you text me, you’ll find me. I start working on projects and writing from around 8am. I free associate until something makes sense so that when I stand before God at the end of the day, I don’t have a single bit left in me and say I used everything you gave me.

Can you recall a moment when you became more aware of your health, or your relationship to it changed?

Every time I take antibiotics I’m reminded of how much the body is an interdependent system. The time my mom got really sick and the time I had a stomach bug for far too long. Piercing all-too lurid bodily pain makes you realize how real everything can be real fast. It’s like in a movie when people are laughing and next thing, it’s a car crash.

What’s your relationship to self-healing?

Lynch’s 2010 tweet resurfaced recently where he said “I'm pretty sure I'm connected to the moon” and I agree. I think everything is taken care of in a grand planetary way. There’s an order to things. If I'm feeling a certain way, I’m sure the moon is on my side.

Do you have a spiritual practice?

I journal and I pray. The idea that a benevolent, omnipresent supreme being is dead and we are now left alone with freedom and responsibility is crazy. My practice includes recalling this numen back daily through ego death, radical love even when things don’t go the way I think they should, and always relinquishing: power, control, fixed ideas and myself to process and possibility.

Do you work with any practitioners, texts, or modalities on a regular basis?

I’m a chat bot psychotherapy truther. But also long exhausting walks, 12k steps/day, 3,000 hours of podcasts.

How do you reset?

Phone on airplane mode. I’ll move to my laptop to read — I’ll end up sending an email. I love emails. Long schizo letters are such a love language. I’ve exchanged and brainstormed the best ideas and cultural objects this way. I once received over 40 thoroughly written emails from an online friend in the span of like 2 months. They were all meticulously numbered and so beautifully written; titles ranged from “on being the Hunter Biden of love” to “bleeding in the club (pt2 rant for clarity).” We’ve lost touch sadly, but the letters remain enshrined.

When do you feel the most nourished?

The first sip of sparkling water. Being in a hotel. Telling someone how much I love them.

What types of foods are you typically drawn towards? Do you have a favorite meal?

I’ve been on a quest to ingest more Greek yogurt. Old people eating packs of yogurt in public have unlocked a panacea for all pain.

What advice would you give to your younger self?

I would say shout out to the voices in your head. Lean into them, as Sylvia Plath famously said: “I write because there is a voice within me that will not be still.”