This is a record of several hours on the phone with my grandmother, Lola Kay, who I consider to be the blueprint for my life. Each time we speak, it is late night for me on the East Coast. Across the planet, it is morning for her. She sits at her breakfast table, the lush home garden she tends to behind her. Throughout our discussion, shrill chirps would interrupt. Their source: a handful of baby chicks at Lola’s feet; new companions she enthusiastically hatched in an incubator earlier this week. She flips the camera to show me the chicks, who waddle around: “I am so happy because they are so cute and fat and strong.”
—Alex Westfall, Lola Kay’s granddaughter
Grandmother Gossip: Kay by Alex
Manila, Philippines
Miss and love you, Lola. How are you?
Love you more. Love togetherness. It’s raining here a little bit. I’m very well, as always. Nothing will stop me from being well and happy and rejoicing.
What does “healthy” mean to you?
Physically, it’s that I can function well and not feel any pain. I’m alert and my mind can comprehend what my granddaughter tells me. Also, I have many friends that, in spite of our age, we have fun, learn from each other. Then my family, who I see every Sunday for dinner. That’s complete health for me.
What do you do to reach this definition of health?
I try to be aware of what makes my body not function. For example, crabs and meat make my arthritis flare up. I try to consume more fish and vegetables. Being my age, I notice that I forget things, even my handbag. So every day, I do little mind puzzles made for children. I also try to maintain my long and reliable friendships.
How old is your oldest friendship?
My classmates from college, way back from when I was a youngster in the 50s. I still have them — those who are still alive, you know? My 88th birthday is coming up and my friends are throwing a party for me.
You have so much energy during the day, Lola.
That’s what you think! But I have a secret: I cat-nap in the car. If it’s a hot and draining afternoon, I give myself a gift…lying down for 15 minutes.
Do you still drink your ginger shot every morning?
I have changed it to Three Cs.
“Three Cs”?
I learned it from my younger sister. Cucumber, carrots, and celery in equal proportions. I puree that, and I have it in the morning in a bamboo mug. It’s good for your digestion, your eyes (carrots!), your blood. Also a big glass of water and lemon.
What do you typically eat for breakfast?
Papaya in the morning. Dried, salted fish is my protein (this morning though, I had sardines for omega 3s, and some aged cheddar). The 3 Cs. My coffee is of course my luxury.
You reminded me recently of how you would sneak candy for me and my sisters as kids, because my dad wouldn’t let us have any.
I didn’t like to see you looking so hungry.
You made us happy. What are your favorite recipes or dishes to make?
My poundcake, and nilaga (boiled beef bone soup with marrow). My mother had taught me that while boiling, we add onions and leeks for flavor. But squash goes in first, and you squish and mash it to make it part of the soup.
What else forms your health routine?
Throughout the day, I bring around my drinking kit: a jug filled with warm organic tea with ginger. I never drink cold water, only at room temperature. I like to walk; I try to do up to 8,000 steps a day. When I am attacked by colds and coughs, I soak my feet with warm water and salt, then massage them. And, you know Vicks [VapoRub]?
I love Vicks. Lolo would put it on my tummy as a kid. Where do you put it?
I put it on the bottom of my feet. Try it, it will put you to sleep.
Do you have any routines in your daily life that make you feel your best?
I like hot coconut oil hair treatments, which I do twice a month, with a back massage, a manicure and pedicure. It makes me feel pampered. What a luxury. Every now and then, I feel lousy and don’t want to get up. So I go to the parlor. Get my hair done. I feel much better. Just like that.
My mother was a pharmacist by trade and later ran a patis (fish sauce) factory, but she was such a good gardener. From her, I learned the phrase: “the secret’s in the soil.” This applies to everything in life — the foundation is important.
Now, you run a bamboo garden. Why bamboo?
I fell in love with bamboo as a young girl. Its rustling and swaying leaves sounded like the most beautiful music. The shadows it left on the ground looked like lace. In 1997, my parents gifted me five hectares of land, and I began to plant all kinds of bamboo there. That’s what I spend my time on. We have the gazebo where seminars are held for school visits. We have the Bambusetum: a library of live bamboo, and a plant nursery. I was just at the garden two days ago. There’s still a lot that I would like to improve.
You’ve practiced pilates twice a week for the last 20 years.
Years ago, I had a frozen shoulder. I would wake up at 3 am, it was terrible. Even just lifting a cup of coffee was so painful. The doctor advised me to do exercises for a week, and it completely healed. I didn’t know I would love pilates so much. It’s so gentle, it improves core strength; posture. The body feels very, very clear after pilates.
My instructor, Mimi, is like my daughter. She asks me about life — what she needs for her husband, her children, and what I’ve done in my own life. We are always in alignment.
Have you ever felt truly afraid?
I had cancer twice, breast and in the bile. I was so afraid physically and mentally. There were no outside signs, but we caught it early. Doctors told me, “Take one day at a time.”
At first, I could not sleep because I believed I was going to die. I took Valium. I learned to relinquish my life to God. I said, “I know that my life is borrowed, and it’s not mine, and it’s yours. So I’d like to give it to you. If you want to take me, please do it in my sleep.” From then on, I didn’t struggle anymore. When I surrendered all to Him, I felt peace.
Do you believe in miracles?
First define “miracles.” What do you mean by “miracles?”
I think it can be whatever you want it to mean.
If the definition of miracle is when the impossible becomes possible, then I believe in miracles. And, when that has happened in my life, I see it as the divine work of God.
How has your relationship to God influenced your life?
When I was young, I thought I was the creator of what was happening to me. But there came a time in 1977 when I felt so dissatisfied with my life. My husband was successful, loving, kind. My children were intelligent and healthy. I had a good paying job as an economist. But I was still unhappy. I saw my mother’s missionary friends…they were happy, I envied them. I attended Bible Study for two years, and I learned the word of God. My faith came from that.
There is not a moment when I have things I would like God to know and be thankful for. Anytime something happens, good or bad, I pray.
What advice would you give someone my age?
Possessions come and go, but a good relationship is forever. Invest in learning. Remember your past. Work hard. Never lose sight of your faith.
Lola Kay’s Famous Pound Cake Recipe
I learned this recipe from Nonoy Alivio, who was the admiral's chef aboard the USS Missouri submarine. My children and grandchildren love this pound cake. Many relationships were made and strengthened over this delicious pound cake. My second grandson, Miguel, was the first to learn the recipe and now can bake on his own. —Lola Kay
Love this! Keep sharing the great wisdom of your Lola Kay. She was also Lola to my children when we lived next door in the ‘90’s, is still a mentor to me, and also a role model for all who know her! ❤️
Amazing